Added: Javonne Laroche - Date: 16.07.2021 03:59 - Views: 28551 - Clicks: 9309
A few months ago, I was line at the gym waiting to swipe my membership card to enter the gym for my morning workout when I heard something disturbing. Two women who were ahead of me in line started chuckling to themselves and commenting about a woman inside of the gym. God, she is such a pig! Whenever I slip up and start becoming judgmental of others, I take a step back, and remind myself of this truth:. They are running through the store like animals!
His blog posts look like a third-grader wrote them. Judgment shuts us down and keeps us from understanding the full situation. Whenever I see people acting in ways that I think are insane, stupid, or worse—this is the question that I ask myself:. Judging people is easy, and it some cases, it can even feel good to do it. On the other hand, being curious requires maturity, emotional intelligenceand a healthy dose of self-control to do it consistently. Lots of different answers came into my mind, and the act of switching from judgment to curiosity made it possible for me to shift to a more positive frame of mind.
And once I was finally in that positive frame of mind, I shifted my attention to the person who deserved my attention way more than those two women did:.
Specifically, the woman who was on the wrong end of those rude comments. I have been on the wrong side of harsh judgment before, and I know how much it can hurt. Instead, as I was walking to the locker room, I made eye-contact with the woman on the elliptical and I smiled at her. She genuinely smiled back, and then she put her head down and re-focused on her workout like a boss. Will that brief moment that we shared make a positive difference in her life? Do you judge people often? How do you deal with it when you become judgmental of others? Jump into the comments below and make your voice heard!
Yes, I am judgmental about one thing, now that I did make my health change and have lost a huge amount of weight. Just over a year ago, I could barley walk due to my obesity. Now training for a half marathon. My judgmental attitude? Heavy people. I will be honest. When I see a heavier person stuffing their face with fast good or junk, it now turns my stomach. Or I see them in one of those sit down auto carts at Walmart, instead of walking through the store, to get at least a little exercise.
I get disgusted. Because I fear being like that again.
I am so scared I will fall off of my new found, healthy mind set and return to old habits. It scares the you know what out of me. Will I still be grossed out by heavy people. I am disgusted at my loose skin I see on my body as it is. However, that underlying fear is there. I try to remind myself that they are where I was and I pray they find a way to being healthy and taking care of them-self.
I do keep myself in check. They need to read this blog entry. Hey Kristen—thanks as always for your honesty. Who knows? But these days, whenever I see someone who is acting in ways that I may not understand or agree with, I strive to respond with curiosity rather than disgust.
Thank you Shola. I do have empathy. That is one thing I have a strong skill in and am told that often by others; when helping people. When I posted my response to this entry, I shared it with my mom. I am very honest and open with mom, as she is with me. There was power in revealing to her, after writing here and realizing why I was being judgmental towards them being heavy.
I do remember and that is what scares me. I was so unhappy not being able to navigate that heavy body and all the health issues as a result of not taking care of my health. Now that I am so healthy and thriving with true happiness, I am so scared it will be gone again. But, empathy. I just had that thought towards two of the coworkers a few minutes ago quite heavy I might add that have bullied me so terribly this past year for becoming healthy. I know, I know. I know they have to decide when they are ready and not me. I try to encourage gently, but they respond so awful towards me.
I guess I will hang in there and keep trying to be positive. When I do see a heavy person eating something healthy, or out exercising. You can do it. It is always positive. In fact, I saw a very large woman out walking with hand weights. She had a big smile on her face and looked happy she was taking care of her. I smiled Black female in search of non judgemental friends her. But then I looked at her feet and her shoes were in terrible shape.
I knew she needed new shoes to take care of her body in getting healthy. I prayed she wore a sized 10 shoe. The reason? Because I had two great, newer pair of sneakers I cannot wear due to running now. I had to get bigger shoes for my toe box for my foot strike, because otherwise my toes get sore when I go for good run. Anyways, parked my car and went up to her to ask her what sized shoe she wore. She cried happy tears and they fit her perfect! I know I shared a story here. So, wanted to back up my last post to show that I am not judging of heaviness so to speak, but issues that cause the issue or continues the issue….
Thanks Shola for a great post! I too have committed to remaining curious and through my actions show my children how powerful curiosity can be! Happy Labor Day Shola! Yes, I have the day off, and am chilling out today with the hubby. I did indulge years ago in non-stop judgement of every person I laid eyes on. Just entering adulthood, recovering an abusive, violent childhood, thrown into the adult world with no preparation. Everyone who was happy, successful. I judged them harshly and hated them all, mainly because I could not figure out how in the heck I would ever get from where I was at to where they were at.
I judged them all as terribly insensitive to me, to so obviously enjoy life when there I was, little misery-guts, in their midst, and no one would rescue me. Well, I was very young, otherwise I have no excuse. Looking back, now I feel so sorry for anyone who had to be around me, especially at work! Now I am grateful. None of them judged me. Everyone was kind and patient, and gave me room to grow.
When I look back on things that they said to me, I do see they consistently gave me positive pointers and gentle advice, which did sink in over time. It is not only unfair to the one being judged, but it blinds the judge to the truth, and blocks out any useful learning and growth.
Thank you Shola, now take the rest of the day off! Oh Donna, I can completely relate to your comment! For me, my harsh judgment mainly revolved around people with money.
I thought all of them were self-centered, greedy, snobs who only cared about themselves. And as you said so perfectly, I felt so hateful toward them because I could not figure out how I could go from Black female in search of non judgemental friends I was broke and miserable to where they were rich and happy.
When you added your lesson about judgment, that hit home so hard: Judgment is no only unfair to the one being judged, but it blinds the judge to the truth. Damn, that is SO true! How many times I have judged people based on incomplete information, only to be completely wrong once I did end up getting the full story? Thanks for that gem, Donna! I try really hard not to judge their behavior and understand the situation from their perspective. I just try to lighten them up. Hopefully a lot of people will read this post and benefit from the message. Kat, as a former retail employee myself, I can relate to hard it can be if not, impossible to refrain from judgment when dealing with the horrific rudeness that retail employees are subjected to on a near-daily basis.
Having the emotional maturity to look at that rudeness and even attempt to be curious about where it may be coming from says a lot about the type of woman you are. Also, please know that I even though I wrote this blog post, I judge people sometimes, harshly pretty often. My goal each day is to notice when I do it, and then make the conscious shift to being curious. Thanks for your comment! I admit I am horribly judgmental. I grew up in a very unstable environment and I grew up not trusting anyone not even my immediate family.
I have a tendency to try to peg people so that I feel like I already know what I am getting into when dealing with them. If that makes sense. Carrie-Lee, I completely understand! I agree with you that to be totally non judgemental ever is basically impossible. But I strive each day to not judge myself and others harshly. I think that once you consciously strive to demonstrate kindness and unconditional self love it makes it that much easier to show kindness and unconditional love to others.
I used to be the queen of judging others, until I found myself on the receiving end of that. Now, I try to catch myself and pull back. And I ask myself sometimes, what would make another person behave as they do and I try very hard to do that without judging them for the behavior.
Thanks for sharing and helping make the world better… one blog post at a time! Sometimes it takes being on the receiving end of harsh judgment to make us realize that we would never want to purposely inflict that type of pain on anyone else. Thanks for the kind words about the blog, my friend! But like you, instead of condemning them or judging them, I have tried hard to seek to understand why they are so mean.
And if that is not possible, I make up a story in my head that keeps me from judging… perhaps they were abused; perhaps someone they love just passed away; or maybe they just got fired. Whether or not these stories are true is not relevant. It simply allows me to move on and let go my objection to their behavior! Hi Kathy, I am very similar to you. The people who cause me the most stress are mean people.Black female in search of non judgemental friends
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