Added: Audria Harnish - Date: 25.12.2021 06:33 - Views: 43065 - Clicks: 9600
I stood in our kitchen — my boyfriend stood across from me, on the other side of the counter that had the sink where we would wash our dishes. He leaned on the counter, talking intensely, sharing the trials and tribulations of his day. I watched his face as he spoke, his eyebrows lifting as he emphasized a word, causing the creases on his forehead to appear. His voice was so deep, his hands large as he waved them for emphasis. He said something to make himself laugh, and his eyes crinkled with mirth.
His teeth flashed bright white against his dark skin as he grinned, and he looked at me, waiting for me to him in his amusement. As I stood there, watching this beautiful, dynamic man regale me with s of his day, I felt such an overwhelming sense of love and happiness that I could almost feel my chest expand.
I could feel my throat constrict and the tears build behind my eyes.
I bit my lip hard before taking a big breath and forcing a smile on my face as my boyfriend looked at me. I walked around the counter to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest as he talked. He held me tightly, nuzzling the top of my head as he finished his story. Once he was done, he pulled back. You make me so happy. My ex-husband and I have been officially divorced for almost two years, though our relationship ended long before that. We were together from ages 19—27, and we moved into our home shortly after our wedding to start a life together.
I was deeply unhappy, and he had no time to work on our marriage — he was a surgical resident, gone for 16—18 hours a day. My life revolved around supporting him, and my own depression almost ate me alive. So, our marriage fell apart. My ex-husband is a good man. He was my first love, and I was his. And our love was great and beautiful and deep and strong. And walking away from it was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I did not think I could find love again. At least, not the kind of love we had. The kind where I felt safe, respected, and cherished. The kind of love that made me knowin the depths of my soul, that this person wanted me. And I knew that I wanted this kind of love for myself, should I enter any relationship again.
But I wanted more. I wanted the kind of love where I knew that this person would do anything in their power to make me happy, to make me feel secure. That would push me to follow my dreams, even as he followed his. The kind of love where I did not have to hide myself, where I could be unabashedly me. I did not think this would be possible for me. I already had my great love story, and it ended in tears, expensive attorney fees, regret, and ultimately divorce.
And then I met my boyfriend. It was years after my marriage actually ended that I found him, though the divorce itself only feels like How to find a new man after divorce. I went on hundreds of dates, engaging in pseudo-relationships with men that I knew in my gut were not right for me.
Heartbreak after disappointment after bitter ending followed me around New York City. By the time I moved back to Southern California years after my divorce, I was completely disillusioned. Which would upset me, because these men also hurt methey also disappointed me. Hell no. When I met my current man, I was done with dating.
I was done with men, I was done with love, I was done with it all. I had reed myself to adopting a cat and living alone with my pets and my thoughts, because being alone was better than being lonely in a relationship. But this man that I met? He was persistent.
And he was vulnerable, but never used his strong sense of humor to mask it. That, in all honesty, is what drew me to him. All he wanted, to my surprise, was to learn about me. To listen to me. And, in time, to love me. We moved in together recently, and every day with him makes me love him more. He frustrates me, and I get so angry with him.
And I always find myself walking into his arms, waiting for him to pepper my face with kisses the way that he does. Guilt that I could be so damn happy with someone else. The fact is, my ex husband did not want our marriage to end.
He was a traditional Punjabi man who did not understand my frustration with the traditional dynamic that he wanted our marriage to follow. He fought for our marriage, demanding couples therapy and individual counseling. Flying his mother up to talk to me, reaching out to my parents to convince me. But I already saw that he could not change what he wanted for himself. He wanted a traditional Punjabi wife, and I was miserable filling that role. I needed a career, I needed a vibrant social life, I needed independence.
And I deeply believe all of this is possible to have while in a healthy relationship. But he did not. So I took away our life together. I took it away from him, and I left him.
I know he is going to be an insanely successful ENT surgeon. I know he will have a beautiful house with a beautiful wife and beautiful babies. I could not see him as a father to my babies. But I envision my current boyfriend as a father all the time, and it makes my heart overfill with excitement.
And the guilt will, with time, fade as I walk further along my journey. And I will be left with an overwhelming sense of gratitude that not only did I survive the darkest chapter of my life, but I also came out of it with the capacity to love intact, with the capacity to trust and to let another person into my heart. And it is this capacity that has brought me the greatest sense of happiness I have felt in my life. Medium is an open platform where million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface.
Learn more. If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. Start a blog. in. Felicia C. On Finding Love after Divorce. Kaur Follow. I Love You Relationships now. I Love You Follow. Written by S. More From Medium. The Death of Dating. Amanda Benger Ho. Imperfect Perfectionist. Rebecca Henley. A Yogurt at the End of the Universe. Joanna Franklin Bell in P. I Love You. Chris Chambiwa. Luxury Matchmaking Services. Arushi Gupta. Are sweets truly a loving gift?
Make Medium yours. Write a story on Medium.
About Write Help Legal.How to find a new man after divorce
email: [email protected] - phone:(687) 794-4865 x 2303
14 Tips for Dating After Divorce