Added: Dietrich Meis - Date: 25.08.2021 19:04 - Views: 20128 - Clicks: 4809
The guy who seemed to connect with you so perfectly in that one little moment or your short time together. The man you vividly imagined your future with. The first and most important thing you can do is to get distance. You need to do as much as possible to change that. If the circumstances permit, not being around him, at allis ideal.
This also means not messaging him, not Facebooking him and not bringing up discussions about him with friends. In these instances, do your best to avoid him on a personal level. You can still chat about work. You can still speak about asments where necessary. You can be polite and surface-level friendly in social environments. But keep personal conversations off the table. Be polite while engineering some emotional distance. The comedown may not be as long lasting or intense as a real breakup, but as far as your brain chemistry goes, the worst bits are going to hurt just as much.
In his book, How to get him off, Maxwell Maltz explains how a vividly imagined experience can buzz our nervous system in exactly the same way as the real thing. When you intensely focus on a result, imagine it and feel it in your body and mind, your brain responds and releases the same chemicals as if it were real. Expect grief, sadness and other emotions that go hand in hand with loss. Instead, let them wash over you. Sooner or later, the storm will blow over. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family.
This will give you a secure base — the emotional support you need to pick yourself back up.
Connect with them. Do whatever makes you feel good. It might seem counterintuitive to write a list of things you liked about him, but there is method to this madness. Instead of having them swimming around in your head, this list will give you a hard copy. In addition, you now have the beginnings of a list of traits you like in a man and can look for in the future. Later, you can continue to add to it, giving yourself targeted traits to look for in a new man.
Create a list, equal to the size of the one, of traits you did not like about him. The important point here is: Equal. You will find this hard, especially because you may not know him well. Persist with this exercise. Do whatever it takes to make your list of equal length. Once complete, this list will help you take off the rose-colored glasses. Put focus back onto you. Fill your schedule with enriching activities. Always wanted to learn to dance? Start classes. Been out of gym for a while?
Go Back. Always wanted to learn a language? Download the first module. Not only do these things take your attention off him, but they grow you in the meantime, helping you feel good about yourself and become a more fulfilled and attractive person. As you focus on you, understand your mind will continue to relapse. This is normal. Each time it does, simply thank it, and then remind yourself of his negative traits before turning your attention, again, back to you. By now, your feelings for him will have weakened.
Meet new people. Flirt again. Your life, your friends, and perhaps, even a new man will have taken over the mental real estate he used to own. No matter what it is for you — you know one thing.
You have to get past your feelings for him. Distance Yourself The first and most important thing you can do is to get distance. Why would our brain put so much emphasis on someone who has given us so little? Write a list of qualities you liked about him It might seem counterintuitive to write a list of things you liked about him, but there is method to this madness. Put down, on paper, the traits that attracted you to him. Write an equal length list of things you disliked about him Now you have a more difficult exercise. Get back out there By now, your feelings for him will have weakened.
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