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Once a relationship has come to an end, basic small talk can feel a little awkward. If your goal is to win him backyou'll need to be intentional about how you communicate. Even if you're not looking to rekindle an old flame, good communication skills are useful if you want to remain friends after a break-up. Focus on talking about anything other than why you broke up, assuming you've already had that conversation, of course. Even if you haven't, chances are, you both know why you split, and dwelling on the negative past is not the way to win him back or gain any traction on rebuilding a friendship.
Instead, find other topics to discuss that hopefully will not lead to a ton of pregnant pausing and awkwardness. Whatever you do, your primary goal should be to stay neutral. Don't ask how he is doing. He's either doing great, in which case you might not want to hear about it or he's doing horribly, which le to the inevitable awkward. Neutral questions include information that is not about you or him. For example, if you run into him at a mutual friend's wedding or party, ask what gift he brought for the guest. One of the best ways to get people to feel more comfortable is to make them laugh.
Have a funny story about something that happened? Share it! Got a punny one-line joke? That is definitely fair game. Of course, be sure to avoid inside jokes that remind him of shared memories. Shoot for making him laugh without taking a stroll down memory lane.
One trick to try to avoid awkward silences is to ask 'you' questions. Questions that focus on your ex, forces him to talk about himself. You do want to avoid the How to talk to your ex boyfriend after a breakup, 'How are you? This way, you can get a conversation going. Pro tip: if you want him backbe genuinely interested and actively listen. Try to remember something he's really into; that one thing that causes him to talk animatedly and ask about it.
Whether it's work, his pet or a hobby, if you can find a way to bring it into the conversation and get him talking - bonus for you. It has the added benefit of ensuring that you don't have to talk too much either - thus avoiding any sticky situations.
Two people who once dated usually share at least some of the same friends, so this is a safe topic to bring up with your ex in general conversation. However, you want to steer clear of talking about relationships in general, including the relationships of your mutual acquaintances. A great question might be something like, 'Wait, have you seen so-and-so?
The last time I saw him he was It might sound odd at first, but if you sense the conversation is going into boring territory, try paraphrasing and then asking a question. For example, he tells you he has a new job. You can say, 'Oh, that's exciting that you have a new job? Is it similar to what you were doing before?. Just as some topics shouldn't come up in polite conversation, some subjects are taboo when you're talking to your ex. You don't want to bring up a topic that is going to provoke old feelings of disdain or aggravation. The goal is to avoid things that are too emotional or serious, especially during those first few encounters.
A few things not to talk about include:. If you haven't spoken to your ex in a while, you may wonder when an appropriate time is to begin contact again. If you've left on good terms, you can opt to begin contact more quickly than if you ended the relationship on more difficult terms. Think about:. If you've gone a few months with sporadic to no contact, enter into the relationship again slowly and keep in mind that your ex may not be open to chatting. The best way to re-connect on a friendly level is to be upfront with your ex regarding what you want relationship-wise and asking how they feel about it.
If they agree to begin chatting more regularly, start off slowly by connecting on topics that you know your ex enjoys speaking about and catch up on your day-day lives. If you've gone a period of time with zero contact, you'll want to re-initiate the relationship very slowly. Keep the topics of conversation light and spend some time checking in on what's been going on in each other's lives.
If all goes well, you can begin to connect again on deeper and more serious topics. Continue to evaluate whether re-connecting is the healthiest choice for you and be open with what type of relationship you'd like to have moving forward with your ex. One of the best demonstrations of how the phone is misused in dating is a scene in the movie The Swingers. In a desperate attempt to get his girlfriend back, one of the lead characters leaves message after message. What starts as comedy quickly turns to tragedy as you beg the character to have some self-respect and stop calling.
Even if you don't leave tons of messages, you can still abuse the phone. One simple rule to remember when you want to call your ex and strike up a conversation is not to call unless you have a good reason to do so. Therefore, the best way to initiate a phone conversation with your ex is to find a logical reason to call. A few examples of reasons to call would include:. Talking How to talk to your ex boyfriend after a breakup the phone with an ex can feel a little awkward and at some point, the discussion may run dry. Remain positive throughout the call; think of it like a job interview.
You don't want to go into great detail about emotional things yet. If you attempt to manipulate his feelings by crying or sounding depressed, your tactics will only turn him off. If you get on the phone with your ex and the conversation starts to go dead or get awkward, try to steer the conversation toward general, less-serious things:.
The nice thing about the phone is that if it's really awkward you can tell him you have to go, but set up another time to talk. For some, it takes a lot less nerve to grab your phone and send off a text message than it does to call your ex and have to hear his voice.
Texting makes it much easier to communicate without tripping all over your tongue and fumbling with what you mean to say when you try to speak out loud. Also, a simple text is a good way to get the conversation started. A text can also feel less threatening to your ex. The internet provides some pretty easy and straightforward ways to connect with your ex. You could always drop him a line or two viareach out to him on social media, or even tag him in a post on a social media feed.
This easy-access communication can make it easy to do or say something without giving it a lot of thought, however. So there are rules you should follow. Treat online communication the same as the conversations you would have on the phone. Only him when you have something substantial to discuss. Also, don't send him another message until he responds to your first. Allow him the opportunity to pursue you again. Hopefully, the phone calls, texts and s will result in an eventual face-to-face conversation.
How should this touchy situation be handled? The fact is, a first-time face-to-face meeting with an ex can have you feeling like a bundle of nerves like it's the first time the two of you have ever been together. Treat this meeting almost like you would a first date and keep these tips in mind:. Much like a first date with a stranger, keep the conversation lighthearted and casual, steering clear of things that may bring up hard feelings.
Keep your emotions in check and avoid being all googly-eyed and touchy-feely no matter how close the two of you once were. The first few face-to-face encounters need to be low-key and easy, not serious and emotional. When you do get a chance to talk to your ex-boyfriend, be your normal, charming self. Don't try too hard to get him back; you may seem desperate, and desperation isn't an appealing personality trait to anyone.
If you want to recollect on the history the two of you share, be sure to only bring up the good memories, and not why you broke up, or what you think he did wrong when you were together. Treat him as you would a friend. Whether you want to keep him at friend status, or go back to being something more, you'll be more likely to succeed. What to Talk About Focus on talking about anything other than why you broke up, assuming you've already had that conversation, of course. Stay Neutral Whatever you do, your primary goal should be to stay neutral.
Tell a Joke One of the best ways to get people to feel more comfortable is to make them laugh. Ask 'You' Questions One trick to try to avoid awkward silences is to ask 'you' questions. Ask About Interests Try to remember something he's really into; that one thing that causes him to talk animatedly and ask about it. Mutual Acquaintances Two people who once dated usually share at least some of the same friends, so this is a safe topic to bring up with your ex in general conversation.
Master the Art of Paraphrasing It might sound odd at first, but if you sense the conversation is going into boring territory, try paraphrasing and then asking a question. What Not to Bring Up Just as some topics shouldn't come up in polite conversation, some subjects are taboo when you're talking to your ex. A few things not to talk about include: Don't talk about why you parted ways or past mistakes.
This is old news and has already been hashed out. Don't keep apologizing for any wrongdoings on your part when the two of you were still together. Again, leave the past in the past. Don't tell him you want to get back together. Even if you want the relationship to begin again, you don't want to sound too needy.
Try to avoid talking about too many shared experiences, inside jokes or other things that are reminiscent of your relationship. Even if those things are positive, it makes it seem like you aren't moving on. How and When to Talk to Your Ex if it's Been A While If you haven't spoken to your ex in a while, you may wonder when an appropriate time is to begin contact again.
Think about: If you were the one who ended the relationship, make sure you and your ex have both had enough time to process the situation before beginning to reach out. This could mean waiting weeks to months and testing the waters before resuming speaking terms. You can do so by sending a quick message noting that you would like to begin speaking again and asking your ex if they feel the same way.
If the relationship ended on bad terms, make sure you've given yourself and your ex enough time to heal before attempting to re-connect. If you were in a relationship for just a few months, wait a few weeks before attempting to chat again. If you were in the relationship for a year or more, give yourself a few months to fully process the situation before deciding if re-connecting is the healthiest choice.How to talk to your ex boyfriend after a breakup
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How To Talk To An Ex After A Breakup